Life is good when things are just where they are

I guess I am very lucky that I already had three true loves in my life.

The first one was quite a long struggle. It was a wakening process. I was stilling trying to figuring it out, discovering myself. I wasn’t quite sure what is true love. I was quite sure myself. But because I was very young then, I could not be too sure. She is like a beautiful white tea flower. She is a violin. Life is colorful. I will never forget that.

The second was short and transient. It was beautiful and adventurous.  It is like a beautiful play throughout the day. I already knew what is true love. But I still could not be totally genuine. I haven’t learned how to interact and engage well. My current richness of mind in this culture won’t allow me to specifically pinpoint a flower or instrument for her. I guess she is like a white rose. She reminded me to be creative and fun-driven. Life is to create beauty endlessly. It was the same kind of heart-broken departure as the first one. Heart-broken by the beauty and impermanence of life. But this time, I know it is time to leave no matter how beautiful it is. Don’t love too much, just love a little (from Li Ao).  This time I know I must commit myself to true love with this world. More genuine, less pretense.

The third one hasn’t happened yet. But she is the same beautiful, smart, non-discriminating, lovely and naturally in the flow person.

There are all kinds of relations. Only these three I am ready to commit my life to if the conditions demand.

About desire, it is important. Everything is important. Denying it won’t be helpful. But you need to know it is not the most important thing. And you can never totally satisfy yourself with desire. So don’t let its strong force cause separation. There are only two ways to deal with it: when the conditions are ready, take/enjoy it; when the conditions are not ready, endure and overcome it. If you cannot do either, you will be run over by desire, and everything in your life will be distorted and you will not be able to see the truth.

Life is good when things are just where they are.

Our true nature is indestructible and never lost. In life, you have to go through all different forces. And only by overcoming those forces, can you discover your own indestructible being. You need to sort out the importance of different things in life and don’t give a particular thing too much weight. (One thing I feel very frustrated when in China is people keep talking about this is important, that is important. To me, everything is important. You need to know what is more important.) You might give something more weight as in a learning or growing process. I am afraid it can never be perfect in the learning/growing process. But watch out for going too extreme. Coming to a foreign culture, however, is quite another story. It is like entering a vacumm devoid of any force. Lack of force, lack of life. This withdraw of force, as compared to the rich forces in the mother culture, can be itself a powerful force that can distort life.  However, our true nature is indestructible and never lost. I have learned and changed a lot, first in my mother culture, then in the American culture. But the indestructible being never changes. It never increases or decrease. It is always there.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Life is good when things are just where they are

  1. ellen9

    very interesting, esp about coming to another culture.

    I think so much of social identity is constructed around relating to others. And those relations are created by economic, historical, cultural, and political forces, very often. Forces that don’t exist, or exist differently, in another culture.

    Identity is often expressed in relationships. It’s about who we relate to – who we love – and how we express it, so to come to another culture, with all different “others” and ways of relating – that vacuum must be like jumping off a cliff.

    constructing a new identity in a new culture probably helps one realize how identity is fluid. taking off and putting on many masks and coats makes one realize what is underneath, i guess — the indestructible true nature.

    I have only worne American clothes and the American mask–LOL, but I often wonder how I would do if i had to emigrate to, say, Turkey or Vietnam. or Alabama! now there’s nother culture for ya. yikes. i’ll be checking out identity and true nature on the cushion for a while yet, I guess.

  2. Freestone means free like a stone. You are free, but without life, like a stone. I was already quite free when in China. Coming to US made me realize that I still could not put everything down.

    Yes, I do feel the same that culture is like putting on a clothing. I feel I am an alien. I was first born as a Chinese and have taken all the Chinese culture. Then I was born as an American and I can take all the American culture. Surely that kind of statement is only possible if I have enough time to learn this American culture.

    Coming to a foreign culture in a sense can be a bad thing. Since you are not a kid anymore, your consciousness is already quite developed. So you are capable of a lot of thinking. But your life in this new culture is not grounded yet. You haven’t had a lot of love relations with this new culture. So you don’t have the love and friendship to dissolve the thinking. In the first few years, you can still rely on your memory of the mother culture and the past love. But it will leave you gradually. After a few years, you lose the whole system of reference if you are not able to establish a new one. So it can be a risky thing. But if you can overcome it and stay on top of the game, it can be a great blessing. It is always what is your goal and how much you can take/sacrifice for it.

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