I guess I am very lucky that I already had three true loves in my life.
The first one was quite a long struggle. It was a wakening process. I was stilling trying to figuring it out, discovering myself. I wasn’t quite sure what is true love. I was quite sure myself. But because I was very young then, I could not be too sure. She is like a beautiful white tea flower. She is a violin. Life is colorful. I will never forget that.
The second was short and transient. It was beautiful and adventurous. It is like a beautiful play throughout the day. I already knew what is true love. But I still could not be totally genuine. I haven’t learned how to interact and engage well. My current richness of mind in this culture won’t allow me to specifically pinpoint a flower or instrument for her. I guess she is like a white rose. She reminded me to be creative and fun-driven. Life is to create beauty endlessly. It was the same kind of heart-broken departure as the first one. Heart-broken by the beauty and impermanence of life. But this time, I know it is time to leave no matter how beautiful it is. Don’t love too much, just love a little (from Li Ao). This time I know I must commit myself to true love with this world. More genuine, less pretense.
The third one hasn’t happened yet. But she is the same beautiful, smart, non-discriminating, lovely and naturally in the flow person.
There are all kinds of relations. Only these three I am ready to commit my life to if the conditions demand.
About desire, it is important. Everything is important. Denying it won’t be helpful. But you need to know it is not the most important thing. And you can never totally satisfy yourself with desire. So don’t let its strong force cause separation. There are only two ways to deal with it: when the conditions are ready, take/enjoy it; when the conditions are not ready, endure and overcome it. If you cannot do either, you will be run over by desire, and everything in your life will be distorted and you will not be able to see the truth.
Life is good when things are just where they are.
Our true nature is indestructible and never lost. In life, you have to go through all different forces. And only by overcoming those forces, can you discover your own indestructible being. You need to sort out the importance of different things in life and don’t give a particular thing too much weight. (One thing I feel very frustrated when in China is people keep talking about this is important, that is important. To me, everything is important. You need to know what is more important.) You might give something more weight as in a learning or growing process. I am afraid it can never be perfect in the learning/growing process. But watch out for going too extreme. Coming to a foreign culture, however, is quite another story. It is like entering a vacumm devoid of any force. Lack of force, lack of life. This withdraw of force, as compared to the rich forces in the mother culture, can be itself a powerful force that can distort life. However, our true nature is indestructible and never lost. I have learned and changed a lot, first in my mother culture, then in the American culture. But the indestructible being never changes. It never increases or decrease. It is always there.